How wholesome TV star Fearne Cotton is still ‘hau…

It’s the photograph that continues to haunt Fearne Cotton two decades after it was taken.

Sitting next to Lostprophets singer Ian Watkins in the back of a taxi, the young television presenter, dressed in all black, looked like a bona fide rock chick as they left a music awards ceremony together.

Fearne, then 22, had only met Watkins that night back in August 2004 at the star-studded and achingly cool Kerrang! Awards held at the Brewery in east London. But judging by the canoodling that went on inside the event, she already seemed rather smitten.

Although there were no smiles when the pair were spotted leaving by taxi, Fearne was rather pleased with herself for attracting her latest beau.

He was, after all, quite the heartthrob at the time and Fearne, who catapulted to fame as a fresh-faced children’s TV host, had a penchant for rock stars and was known as something of a ‘try-hard’ party girl.

But while the romance was fleeting, Fearne has not been allowed to forget it.

Because in 2013 Watkins was jailed for 29 years after admitting to 13 child sex offences. His crimes were so deplorable that he was described in court as a ‘determined and committed paedophile’ before he was sent to prison.

It left Fearne ‘utterly devastated’ and ‘very, very humiliated’ – and each time his name is mentioned, she is reminded again of the relationship.

One can only imagine, then, her horror at the memories rekindled last week after Watkins was murdered by two fellow inmates at HMP Wakefield eight days ago.

‘Fearne finds the whole thing very difficult,’ one associate of the star tells me.

‘Every time Watkins is mentioned, that picture is used and it is haunting for her. It was a short-lived relationship in the grand scheme of things but that picture reminds everyone that she dated Watkins.

‘That, of course, isn’t nice for her but it is also not exactly great for her wholesome brand that she has managed to create for herself, which has been extremely lucrative.’

Sharing a reflective Instagram video on Tuesday in which she spoke about shame and other topics, Fearne, 44, admitted that her brain ‘feels wobbly’.

She wrote in the caption of her post: ‘Four life lessons from this week. I’m not sleeping well.

‘My brain is a bit wobbly at the moment but I’m grasping the lessons life is chucking my way. Which of these interests you the most or rings true?’ While it isn’t known whether her wobbles were because of Watkins (she didn’t mention him, of course) her words were inevitably linked to him.

Even when her former best friend Holly Willoughby commented ‘I love you Cotton socks,’ there was an instant perception from her social media followers that she was ‘checking in’ on Fearne following the late Lostprophets singer’s death.

Indeed, Fearne’s relationship with Watkins is quite the contrast to how she’s portrayed herself in recent years, having set herself up as something of a wellness guru and mental health advocate.

In 2017 she began reinventing herself with the publication of a self-help book called Happy. It was such a success that a year later she launched a podcast called Happy Place which has attracted guests such as Dawn French, Gillian Anderson and Olympian Jessica Ennis-Hill.

It has not only acted as a vehicle for her to lecture others on how to live their lives, but has been rather lucrative too, spawning a website (also called Happy Place) which she describes as being ‘inspired by ancient wisdom’ and through which she sells merchandise including herbal teas, skincare and seaweed.

Fans can also access her newsletter for Fearne’s ‘monthly musings’.

Nowadays, there is even a Happy Place Festival with wellness talks, yoga, performances and workshops.

It is all quite different to the ‘noughties’ Fearne who, despite her children’s TV persona, was hell-bent on being cool.

Raised in the leafy London suburb of Eastcote with signwriter dad Mick and therapist mum Lyn, Fearne became the squeaky-clean, wide-eyed face of children’s television, rising through the ranks from GMTV’s The Disney Club at 15 to front its CITV programmes.

In 2001, at the age of 20, she made the move to the BBC, landing presenting roles on CBBC’s Smile and The Saturday Show.

But just a few years later, it became apparent that Fearne wanted to move away from children’s television, and that meant an image change.

Those who worked with her say she was ‘very keen’ to date rock stars and so came a string of romances with ‘bad boys’, starting with Fame Academy star Peter Brame, who she began dating after interviewing him on Top Of The Pops in 2003.

He soon became embroiled in a drugs scandal when he admitted to smoking killer crack and taking cocaine on a wild night out with a group of glamour models. Fearne was forced to publicly distance herself from Brame, issuing a carefully orchestrated PR statement which read: ‘I want to make it very clear I do not condone drug taking. Peter knows this and, as someone who cares about him, I don’t want him to do it again.’

Brame went on to write a song for her called Alcoholic’s Love Song but they split just a few months later and Fearne went on to date Watkins.

She also dated Channel 4’s former resident lothario Steve Jones, who had a reputation for seducing famous women such as Pamela Anderson and Halle Berry.

Despite being snapped together a number of times and even meeting each other’s families, the relationship broke down after three months due to Jones’s inability to commit.

‘Fearne was a nice girl but she was a bit stage school, she didn’t have that cool edge,’ said one associate who knew her when she was a teenager.

‘She was a bit of a bod growing up, she was very ordinary, it all felt really forced that she would date a rock star.

‘You have to wonder if she could turn back time, maybe she wouldn’t have gone for those types. Particularly Ian, that relationship is something that will never go away and she knows it. It’s something she will have to live with for some time to come. It’s strange, her fondness for these bad boys always seemed a bit forced.’

Watkins aside, it hasn’t exactly been a stellar year for Fearne’s ‘be kind’ era.

And in certain quarters there is little sympathy for her, starting with the wife of her new boyfriend Elliot Hegarty – and the family of her estranged husband Jesse Wood who, I’m told, find her ‘really rather annoying’.

In February, just 11 weeks after she announced her ten-year marriage to Jesse was over, she was pictured with Hegarty, who had worked on the raunchy Disney+ hit Rivals, on Charlotte Street in London. Fearne was left shell-shocked by the photos.

As was Hegarty’s wife Laura who had no idea that her husband, the father of their three children, had got himself a new girlfriend so soon after he announced their marriage was over on Boxing Day.

While there is no suggestion of a crossover, the new romance has prompted much chatter in TV Land, where Hegarty is a senior figure.

One friend of Laura’s said the photos ‘added to her heartbreak’ and that the romance coming out like that ‘did not help matters’.

‘Imagine how awkward that will be now,’ they said.

Fearne and Elliot were spotted sharing another kiss at the airport in Mallorca during a romantic holiday over the summer, suggesting that they are still together.

To the outside world, Fearne and Jesse Wood had been the idyllic blended family living in a beautiful six-bedroom 1850 period property in south west London with their two children Rex, 12, and Honey, ten, and with regular visits from Jesse’s two older children, Arthur, 23, and Lola, 20, from his first marriage to Tilly Wood.

Handsome, kind and the perfect antidote to her previous bruised relationships, Jesse made Fearne, who had just turned 30 when they met, ‘so happy’.

But as one source close to the Wood family says now: ‘Fearne is so annoying. Despite her very colourful love life, she keeps on lecturing others on how to live their lives.’

Perhaps so, but it’s most unlikely that Fearne has been in her own Happy Place much recently.